My world has been in a hurricane these past couple of months. Not only have I traveled to the mainland visiting wonderful old friends (and I mean "old" in the lasting, never-giving-up-on-me kind of way), but I have attended a life-changing conference on Christian authorship, taken on the responsibility to co-head a 125-member Children's Ministry, and committed to teach our four children at home...all starting at approximately the EXACT SAME TIME!
Needless to say, I have felt burdened, overwhelmed, and plain worn out. Every time I close my eyes, I see visions of long lines of parents waiting to sign up their child for a children's program, the plethora notebooks, binders and reminders of what the Lord has put on my heart to share in writing, and the vast empty spaces of my lesson plans that I had hoped to have filled to the brim with amazing resources and ideas for a new school year. I see visions...
But what I haven't seen lately is the vision of my Lord, my Savior, and my God. I close my eyes to pray and my mind wanders to the extensive 'to do' lists I've created for myself. I sit to just listen to worship, and I envisions the ways I can look better in the eyes of other parents, my 'readers' and my children. I see visions...
What I longed for is a new perspective, and this morning, my precious an gracious Father gave that to me. As I was about to give up on my mind-wandering worship, Be Thou My Vision popped up on the iPod and the first thing I thought was, "Lord, please give me a vision of You. Not a vision of the many eyes watching me, but of You alone - Your glory, Your radiance, Your Light permeating every crevice and corner of my small existence. May You alone be my Vision, You alone be my God."
And right there, right then, I realized that I too, had become a victim of Satan's sly schemes - falling into his pit called Idolatry. Like the Israelites of the Old Testament, I too replaced my God with my gods. I set my eyes upon the lesser gods of this world: other parents, readers, and even my own children. And I became so consumed by them that I could not even see my One True God even when searching for Him in prayer, and worship, and being still.
So in response I now cry out in prayer, like the hymn-writer of old:
Lord, be thou my Vision, and Lord of my heart!
May nothing else be to me what You alone are
You alone are my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Your Presence alone be my light
You be the source of all my wisest thoughts and my One True Word
Keep me ever with You Lord, and You with me Lord
You my great Father, and I Your true son
You dwelling in me and us becoming one
I want not rich lesson plans or parent's empty praise
You alone are my inheritance now and always
You and You alone be first in my heart
High King of Heaven, my treasure - You are