Walking MY Wilderness Exposed

And Jesus said, "All right, receive your sight!  Your faith has healed you."  Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus, praising God.  And all who saw it praised God, too."

Luke 18:42-43

One lonely lamp burned warm and ruddy in the early morning hour.  My worn and ragged blanket beckoned me to curl up, sit, and be still.  Everyone was still asleep - or at least hiding upstairs quietly until, "the clock said 7."  It was my time alone with God in my quiet little corner of the world.

Only I wasn't alone and my mind wasn't still.  Anxiety befriended me and thoughts raced around my head.  What I failed to mention, was that before taking my seat this morning, I stole a quick (and eager) peek at my email.   I longed to find an inspirational letter from a writing mentor, full of answers to my myriad questions about publishing devotionals and pitching proposals to publishers...and it was there!  Only, without my friend's intention it was also filled with disappointment.  What I had hoped would merely sharpen my vision of the publishing process, turned out to be insight into the challenging anguish of authorship.  No one was publishing devotionals, at least not from an unknown author (like me!) with zero platform and zero prior publications.

Seeing Visions

My world has been in a hurricane these past couple of months.  Not only have I traveled to the mainland visiting wonderful old friends (and I mean "old" in the lasting, never-giving-up-on-me kind of way), but I have attended a life-changing conference on Christian authorship, taken on the responsibility to co-head a 125-member Children's Ministry, and committed to teach our four children at home...all starting at approximately the EXACT SAME TIME!

Needless to say, I have felt burdened, overwhelmed, and plain worn out.  Every time I close my eyes, I see visions of long lines of parents waiting to sign up their child for a children's program, the plethora notebooks, binders and reminders of what the Lord has put on my heart to share in writing, and the vast empty spaces of my lesson plans that I had hoped to have filled to the brim with amazing resources and ideas for a new school year.  I see visions...

But what I haven't seen lately is the vision of my Lord, my Savior, and my God.  I close my eyes to pray and my mind wanders to the extensive 'to do' lists I've created for myself.  I sit to just listen to worship, and I envisions the ways I can look better in the eyes of other parents, my 'readers' and my children.  I see visions...